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Gym characters

Fun

By M A H

Let's take look at a few of the characters who you will find in just about every gym anywhere in the world.

The Newbie

This kid will have every training accessory known to mankind- gloves, straps belt you name it no expense has been spared. Stick thin and in awe of the 'blobby builders' (see below) these kids only do the following workout- bench press, shoulder press, one armed pushdowns and 100 different variations of the bicep curl, always with weights that a granny wouldn't even break a sweat to lift.
If they put half as much effort into reading up on training and diet as they do on training arms then they might make some progress. What makes it even more laughable is these guys where vests to 'show off' their puny arms and shoulders. Sadly most trainers don't make it past this stage and there are newbies who have been training for a couple of years or more.

Mr Blobby Builder

This guy lives in world where only size rules. It can be muscle fat or water it doesn't matter, it's what's on the scales that counts. They will strut around the gym with an arse the size of a toyota trying to look like they are carrying two barrels under their arms. They only impress newbies and the Blobby Builders, which is what keeps them going. The fact that most people find them repulsive is a compliment to them. Most sadly do not reach old age for obvious reasons.

ILS

This is called 'imaginary lat syndrome'. It is a condition common in gyms and involves men with little or no muscle development. These poor delusional souls are so convinced they are 'built' they walk around with there arms sticking out like they are carrying heavy suitcases, letting everyone know their lats are too big to walk normally. They will also turn slightly sideward to get through doorways and make picking something up from the ground look like an extraordinary effort all because of their 'size'.

The Expert

Usually in his 50's or 60's, this guy will claim to be have once benched 500lb or even beaten Arnold in competition back in his day. The fact that none of this past 'success' is evident in his physique now doesn't matter to him. He will claim he has injuries that mean he can't work as hard as he used to hence the gut. He still reckons he knows everything about training and diet, and most of his advice won't have changed since what he heard back in the 1960's.
To be fair he does mean well and have a little, albeit outdated training knowledge, but don't engage him in conversation- he is officially the boringest person alive and you won't be able to get away unless you just walk off and leave him talking to himself.

80's Clown

This guy will never be able to get over the fact that the 80's have come and gone. He must have every pair of MC Hammer baggy clown pants ever made in his wardrobe and still wears those gold's gym vests that show off half his underdeveloped chest. Coupled with his dubious blonde highlights this guy is laughing stock at the gym, but has to be admired at least for being different.

Casanova

If you're a female and not been hit on by this guy, then plastic surgery may be only your hope, unless you want to be shacked up with cats and go to yoga twice a week for the rest of your life.

Am I Fat?

These ladies know they have great figures and are the envy of most of the other women in the gym, but they just love to ask any one in their vicinity if they think they are fat. The fact they are size 6's and couldn't get any more weight off if they tried doesn't matter. Truth is they know they are not fat; they just love being told they are not by the perplexed people they keep asking. If one asks you just say they look like they have put a little weight on and check out the look on their face for the next week!

The Zoner

The zoner is in a world of his own. Rarely acknowledging other humans he will be at the gym at the same time every day. Ear phones are always in place and his work out takes place like he is in some sort of trance, do not try to communicate with him no-one knows what will happen if the 'connection' is broken and could even be fatal. Best not to find out!

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